Sexist-In-Chief: Trump to Limit Women to 6 Free Abortions Per Year

Washington, DC- Democrats and feminists all over the country are taking to social media to display indignant anger over Trump’s new executive order, which will limit women to six taxpayer-subsidized abortions per year.

Ashley Judd, Madonna, and many other Hollywood actresses have already signed a petition threatening a  “Million Aborted Fetuses March” if Trump does not rescind the order, which was signed last night.

“The average woman is tired of Trump’s toxic monopoly over female bodies,” Judd told The Trigger in an exclusive interview. “By Trump’s math, the average woman should have no more than 192 free abortions during her reproductive years. This shows that fascists like Trump do not understand our needs as women.”

While many conservative pundits find the prospect of a “Million Aborted Fetuses March” unpalatable, to say the least, the planned march did find one key supporter as of the time of this writing in Pope Francis.

“Jesus did not build walls. Jesus did not collude with Russia. And Jesus did not limit the number of taxpayer-subsidized abortions a woman can have per year,” said Pope Francis in a public address at the Vatican on Monday morning.

Jesus did not deprive homeless mentally-deranged women of dead human tissue to create art that nobody cares about while living childless, emotionally crushing relationships and experimenting with lesbianism and hedonistic relationships including child and drug abuse.
-Pope Francis

Popular New York Times journalist Bret Stephens also called Trump’s controversial order into question, noting that Adolf Hitler limited the number of free abortions that women could receive during his role in the Holocaust. When pressed on the validity of his comparison, Stephens noted that the interview “had become like another shoah” and promptly accused me of “vile anti-Semitic bigotry.”

Another sector that is voicing its displeasure with the new regulation is New York’s avant-garde art scene. The Trigger has received comment from no fewer than ten different women who have suddenly found their preferred medium of “vagina art” economically unfeasible.

According to Josefina Gold-McGinnis, “Menstrual blood, which, of course, is free, cannot alone create a compelling piece. Utilizing fetuses in our art provides the richness and darkness of life itself, which is absolutely essential.”

Pope Francis echoed this sentiment at his press conference as well when he noted that “Jesus did not deprive homeless mentally-deranged women of dead human tissue to create art that nobody cares about while living childless, emotionally crushing relationships and experimenting with lesbianism and hedonistic relationships including child and drug abuse.”

Will Trump fold to public pressure and rescind the executive order in light the legitimate concerns of the left? At this crucial juncture in Trump’s presidency, only time will tell.

 

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