BOSTON, MA- To many, Sam Cohen’s dramatic announcement came as a total shock. To others, it was as expected as the garish, orange visage of New England’s deciduous foliage as Summer finally gives way to Autumn’s icy breath.
“That’s right, I’m an antifascist,” said Cohen in a ranting Facebook post, situated neatly between her new Amy the Hedgehog BDSM DeviantArt offering and a link to her “private” Tumblr account. “I fucking punch Nazis.”
Sources say that Sam’s parents began to notice a change in their child months ago when xhe doffed the pink and purple hair xhe had worn for several months for a mohawk as black as the anarchist flag xhe had recently hung in her room. Beside a massive assortment of novelty video game collectible figurines, a “Feel the Bern” poster gives Sam’s room the paradoxical feeling of radical change punctuated by mental and emotional stagnation.
“I told her I would pay for her gender studies degree,” her father said on a cold September night. “I just wish she would stop calling me a hetero-normative cis-white male fascist. I voted for Hillary!”
Before a recent protest which was to take place on the Boston commons, a reliable source states that Sam was caught defecating into a sandwich bag filled with urine before huffing the toxic mixture inside. This was approximately the moment that family and friends found it prudent to stage an unannounced intervention.
“I… I just want my baby back,” Sam’s mother sobbed, with tears of soy streaming down her cheeks. “In the seventies, when my husband and I stood up to the patriarchy and protested for open borders, it really meant something. Now…,” the woman trailed off. “Now I am starting to wonder if we could have been better parents.”
Sam is unavailable for interview as of this writing as xhe awaits trial for the brutal assault of a Brookline garbage bin.