Remember when movies were made without liberals signalling about how great it would be if Spider-Man was an at risk POC transsexual or if Wonder Woman had a veiny cock hiding in her tights?
Those were the days, fam.
Director Jon Watts advocated for a diverse cast in “Spider-Man: Homecoming,” because, as he said, he wanted the film to reflect the real world. Now Jacob Batalon, one of the film’s stars, wants the diversity in the Marvel Cinematic Universe to go even further.
During a Q&A session with fans on Tumblr in September, the actor and co-star Laura Harrier supported the idea of having a trans Spider-Man. During an interview with HuffPost at New York Comic-Con in October, Batalon echoed that sentiment, telling us he still wants to see a trans superhero join the MCU.
So, apparently Hollywood stars are doing Q&As on Tumblr now. And pitching retarded fanfics about tranny superheroes to autistic teenagers and cam whores.
Marvel already has the framework in place for inclusive storylines. The company presented the first gay wedding in a major comic back in 2012, and there are a variety of LGBTQ characters in its universe, including popular MCU character Loki, who is gender-fluid in the comics.
“Guardians of the Galaxy” director James Gunn has suggested that there are already gay characters in the Marvel movies, telling The Guardian, “There’s a lot of characters in the MCU and very few of them have we delved into what their sexuality is ― whether it’s gay or straight or bisexual, we don’t really know. So I imagine that there are probably gay characters in the Marvel universe. We just don’t know who they are yet.”
Since there will undoubtedly be a number of high-ranking studio executives reading this post, allow me to do your jobs for you.
First off, the input from the above actors and directors is fucking stupid. “Like, what if Spider-Man was a man, but, like, not a real man. Or, like, maybe he likes cock and stuff!”
Yawn. To illustrate what identity means to the gay community, an entirely new superhero should be made.
Just your average 14 year-old gender confused boy, who, after years of exposure to toxic pesticide run-off in his city tap water, slowly transforms into a hermaphroditic frog superhero.
I guess he can probably jump really high and use his tongue to grasp objects. But the main story-line will revolve around the fact that he has gay sex with men and produces eggs inside his toxic scrotum.
Instead of focusing on the boring aspects of superhero movies like societal decline, conflict, and morality, this one will focus on Frog-Boy getting pegged by a diverse cast. Because if that is what autistic Tumblr users are demanding, then this shit will sell like hotcakes at the box office.
Hell, Frog-Boy could even get pregnant after the Atrazine rewires his reproductive system, completing his transformation into a vibrant, empowered woman.
Of course, our hero would get a SUPER abortion afterwords, showing the bravery that Wolverine showed when he gave his life to save the mutant Mexican children in Logan.
While I’m at it, how about a super hero that is so mentally retarded that he cannot even wipe his own ass, much less fight crime. Or a third-wave feminist heroine who fights the evil white male patriarch with superhuman autistic screeching?
Of course, none of these “improvements” to super hero films will appeal to the white, 20-something year old nerds that make up Marvel’s target demographic. If Hollywood execs are stupid enough to go along with this, we will be seeing a new #Gamergate culture emerge within a year’s time. Which is a good thing.