I used to not really understand the “war on Christmas”meme. Like, yeah, I get it, Starbucks changed their cup, so what?
That is, until I realized that certain sick individuals will not stop until your child assumes that Santa is a gay black man and the bearded white guy in the local mall is his estranged butt-buddy.
It all started last Christmas. The Mall of America had hired a black Santa Claus, and the internet was having a meltdown. In response, humor writer Daniel Kibblesmith tweeted that when he and his wife have children, he’ll tell them that Santa is black and when they see a white Santa, that he is Santa’s husband.
The Harper Collins-published children’s book comes out Tuesday, and though it started as satire, the result is a genuinely sweet story that depicts a sound, joyful marriage—a particularly valuable sight, given the dearth of adult relationships, queer or not, shown in children’s books.
Our politics are obvious from the title—you know exactly what you’re getting into. But we thought of them more as little side jokes, not like a hit-you-over-the-head message. Also, in a world where Santa is in an interracial gay couple, those people might see the world the way that Quach and I see it, and we wanted to have jokes that reflected our philosophies.
As everyone knows, I am a gay Jewish man of Ethiopian descent. Regardless, something about a Jewish man creating a story about a gay black Santa rubs me the wrong way. Is nothing sacred?
How would my fellow Jews feel if a Christian conservative wrote a Hanukkah tale about a transsexual rabbi that taught young Jewish boys the true meaning of the Holidays through the traditional Jewish act of oral suction circumcision? That is to say, the act of sucking on the bleeding penises of babies post-circumcision.
Frankly, I believe that would be a children’s book better left to a Jew, who might handle the timeless tradition with dignity and grace. Not that I do not believe there are extremely competent Christian writers.
Why Christians fear a Gay Black Santa
It is apparent in the Vice interview linked above that Daniel Kibblesmith cannot comprehend how white Christians are averse to the idea of a gay black Santa. Perhaps I will give him some insight.
All throughout history, people have reacted angrily and violently when beloved symbols are upended for political means. For instance, even practitioners of Islam, long known to be the religion of Peace, massacred multiple employees of Charlie Hebdo after the French magazine published comical images of Muhammad.
I can only imagine the carnage had they depicted the prophet of Islam getting anally slammed by a black man.
If we, as Jews, can relish in the thought of a gay black Santa, should we also learn to laugh when our own symbols are marginalized in guffaw-inducing cartoons?
Given that my own Jewish Ethiopian brethren are treated as second class citizens in Israel, are we truly able to cast judgment on Gentiles who wish to see Santa as a strait white male?
If young Americans want to see interracial and homosexual relationships, do they not have a majority of Hollywood movies to choose from? Frankly, even I, a cosmopolitan liberal, feel that a gay black Santa is a tad much.
From a traditional Christian perspective, there are real issues with the way a fellow Jew portrays a wholesome symbol of Western culture.